I’m back. I forgot how much I love writing on here. I think I stopped because I felt like who even reads my messy, random, unfiltered and badly punctuated pieces?? but then I thought why do I even care! I always have written for me and I believe in oversharing experiences and this is a place for my monologues it’s not a dialogue folks… however I do appreciate comments on posts and feedback if you feel inclined. lol. SO here I am, again.
I started writing more seriously a few weeks ago and submitting pieces to different pubs again. My words have been published a few times before. I flirt with the idea of writing a book full of personal essays, poems and sad journal entries. I wish I could share more of em on here but I should save it for my book whenever that becomes a reality but soon come. I just need to take it more seriously.
I realized recently (yesterday) that I am somewhat of a gypsy. My personality is so free at times, maybe too free even. I have gotten in a bad habit of living exactly how I want when I want and
sometimes that doesn’t make me a good romantic partner or friend. My mom brought it to my attention yesterday and scolded me for it via text after I got off the phone with her.
“I just don’t want the gypsy part of you to sabotage you…” she said.
and then I took myself out for coffee and stumbled upon a thrift store and saw they had a bowl of vintage post cards to and from strangers along with old photographs and then I saw vintage matchbooks and coincidentally the one I picked up said “Gypsy Sally’s” and I gasped! Mom was right…
As most parents are when it comes to things like this.
I am so passionately stuck in my ways and I can get over situations quickly and do my own thing even quicker that it can be a problem for those trying to build something with me.
I think being single for so long ( I am not anymore) and being the only child forced me to become independent which has been good for me in a lot of ways but also has fucked up my ability to be as consistent as I would like. I crave freedom and adventure in a way that can be almost unhealthy. I had a moment where I realized I need to get back in therapy, and another moment where I realized maybe I should have never stopped. I love those moments though because it keeps you in check. We are who we are but changing parts of our personality to better suite others in a healthy way is okay because usually it ends up suiting yourself as well. This gypsy soul is ready to be more contained. I have to understand that yes I will always crave a sense of fun and adventure but at what cost?
I can’t just move on from people and things so quickly anymore- i’m not a butterfly, i’m an adult. That is how Tiffany Haddish described Common in an interview after they broke up. She was like he’s like a butterfly just floating around, stops for a little while but then goes off again to explore. She was saying this as a bad thing of course because he “stopped” for her and then left her. I don’t want to be that to anyone and I’m sure that has been someones experience with me. I guess it is time to grow up a little more.